


To Have a Home

by JamietheLion



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angry Harry, Anxiety Attacks, Godparent Sirius Black, Hella Incomplete, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slight Dumbledore Bashing, Slight Molly Weasley bashing, Stupidly and Needlessly, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 10:19:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19423969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamietheLion/pseuds/JamietheLion
Summary: Harry gets angry his first night in Grimmauld place, and his impromptu speech  sets new plans into motion. Nowhere near finished, and really this is just the beginning of an idea.





	1. Laid Bare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starts with actual text from Order of the Pheonix (in bold) before moving into the story line. Harry steps in after Mrs. Weasley berates Sirius for being in Azkaban, insinuating he's not up to helping Harry or able to make decisions about his upbringing.  
> I'll be adding more context to the first chapter when I have more time later.   
> P.S. WHY DOES THIS HAVE HITS ALREADY THIS IS JUST A DRAFT HONEST AHH

**Three helpings of rhubarb crumble and custard later and the waist- band on Harry’s jeans was feeling uncomfortably tight (which was saying something, as the jeans had once been Dudley’s). He lay down his spoon in a lull in the general conversation. Mr. Weasley was leaning back in his chair, looking replete and relaxed, Tonks was yawning widely, her nose now back to normal, and Ginny, who had lured Crookshanks out from under the dresser, was sitting cross-legged on the floor, rolling butterbeer corks for him to chase.**

**“Nearly time for bed, I think,” said Mrs. Weasley on a yawn.**

**“Not just yet, Molly,” said Sirius, pushing away his empty plate and turning to look at Harry. “You know, I’m surprised at you. I thought the first thing you’d do when you got here would be to start asking questions about Voldemort.”**

**The atmosphere in the room changed with the rapidity Harry associated with the arrival of dementors. Where seconds before it had been sleepily relaxed, it was now alert, even tense. A frisson had gone around the table at the mention of Voldemort’s name. Lupin, who had been about to take a sip of wine, lowered his goblet slowly, looking wary.**

**“I did!” said Harry indignantly. “I asked Ron and Hermione but they said we’re not allowed in the Order, so —”**

**“And they’re quite right,” said Mrs. Weasley. “You’re too young.”**

**She was sitting bolt upright in her chair, her fists clenched upon its arms, every trace of drowsiness gone.**

Harrys face immediately went cold, being thrown back into the feelings from the rant he had when he first saw Ron and Hermione earlier in the night.

**“Since when did someone have to be in the Order of the Phoenix to ask questions?” asked Sirius. “Harry’s been trapped in that Muggle house for a month. He’s got the right to know what’s been happen —”**

**“Hang on!” interrupted George loudly.**

**“How come Harry gets his questions answered?” said Fred angrily. “We’ve been trying to get stuff out of you for a month and you haven’t told us a single stinking thing!” said George.**

**“‘You’re too young, you’re not in the Order,’” said Fred, in a high-pitched voice that sounded uncannily like his mother’s. “Harry’s not even of age!”**

**“It’s not my fault you haven’t been told what the Order’s doing,” said Sirius calmly. “That’s your parents’ decision. Harry, on the other hand —”**

**“It’s not down to you to decide what’s good for Harry!” said Mrs. Weasley sharply. Her normally kindly face looked dangerous. “You haven’t forgotten what Dumbledore said, I suppose?”**

**“Which bit?” Sirius asked politely, but with an air as though readying himself for a fight.**

**“The bit about not telling Harry more than he needs to know,” said Mrs. Weasley, placing a heavy emphasis on the last three words.**

**Ron, Hermione, Fred, and George’s heads turned from Sirius to Mrs. Weasley as though following a tennis rally. Ginny was kneeling amid a pile of abandoned butterbeer corks, watching the conversation with her mouth slightly open. Lupin’s eyes were fixed on Sirius.**

**“I don’t intend to tell him more than he needs to know, Molly,” said Sirius. “But as he was the one who saw Voldemort come back” (again, there was a collective shudder around the table at the name), “he has more right than most to —”**

**“He’s not a member of the Order of the Phoenix!” said Mrs. Weasley. “He’s only fifteen and —”**

**“— and he’s dealt with as much as most in the Order,” said Sirius, “and more than some —”**

**“No one’s denying what he’s done!” said Mrs. Weasley, her voice rising, her fists trembling on the arms of her chair. “But he’s still —”**

**“He’s not a child!” said Sirius impatiently.**

**“He’s not an adult either!” said Mrs. Weasley, the color rising in her cheeks. “He’s not James, Sirius!”**

**“I’m perfectly clear who he is, thanks, Molly,” said Sirius coldly.**

**“I’m not sure you are!” said Mrs. Weasley. “Sometimes, the way you talk about him, it’s as though you think you’ve got your best friend back!”**

“What’s wrong with being happy over having a piece of my father back?” Harry said hotly.

**“What’s wrong, Harry, is that you are not your father, however much you might look like him!” said Mrs. Weasley, her eyes still boring into Sirius. “You are still at school and adults responsible for you should not forget it!”**

**“Meaning I’m an irresponsible godfather?” demanded Sirius, his voice rising.**

**“Meaning you’ve been known to act rashly, Sirius, which is why Dumbledore keeps reminding you to stay at home and —”**

**“We’ll leave my instructions from Dumbledore out of this, if you please!” said Sirius loudly.**

**“Arthur!” said Mrs. Weasley, rounding on her husband. “Arthur, back me up!”**

**Mr. Weasley did not speak at once. He took off his glasses and cleaned them slowly on his robes, not looking at his wife. Only when he had replaced them carefully on his nose did he say, “Dumbledore knows the position has changed, Molly. He accepts that Harry will have to be filled in to a certain extent now that he is staying at headquarters —”**

**“Yes, but there’s a difference between that and inviting him to ask whatever he likes!”**

**“Personally,” said Lupin quietly, looking away from Sirius at last, as Mrs. Weasley turned quickly to him, hopeful that finally she was about to get an ally, “I think it better that Harry gets the facts — not all the facts, Molly, but the general picture — from us, rather than a garbled version from . . . others.”**

**His expression was mild, but Harry felt sure that Lupin, at least, knew that some Extendable Ears had survived Mrs. Weasley’s purge. “Well,” said Mrs. Weasley, breathing deeply and looking around the table for support that did not come, “well . . . I can see I’m going to be overruled. I’ll just say this: Dumbledore must have had his reasons for not wanting Harry to know too much, and speaking as someone who has got Harry’s best interests at heart —”**

**“He’s not your son,” said Sirius quietly.**

**“He’s as good as,” said Mrs. Weasley fiercely. “Who else has he got?”**

**“He’s got me!”**

**“Yes,” said Mrs. Weasley, her lip curling. “The thing is, it’s been rather difficult for you to look after him while you’ve been locked up in Azkaban, hasn’t it?”**

**Sirius started to rise from his chair** , but Harry had had enough and got there first.

“HOW DARE YOU! Sirius was locked away after RISKING HIS LIFE trying to protect me that night! He didn't know Voldemort was gone but he made sure I was with someone safe and _then went after the one responsible_. He made some mistakes _yes_ , but he's spent twelve years being bloody well tortured for it!”

Harry was shaking with fury at this point standing over the table. The room was silent, and Mrs. Weasley’s face looked like she had been hit, transforming to outrage at a child talking back. Lupin put a hand on Harry’s shoulder to try and calm him down but Harry shook him off.

“ _You_ may have housed me but _Sirius_ is the closest thing I’ve ever had to family and he's done his _damn best to keep me safe_. Time and time again people have kept secrets from me because they want to protect an innocence that I’ve never had! And all it’s gotten is more danger for me and more people DEAD!”

But Mrs. Weasley was shaking her head now, a look of pity on her face. “You may think you're old enough, but at fifteen theres just some things you cant understa-“

Harry’s fists came down on the table and the lights flickered then brightened violently. “I HAVENT BEEN INNOCENT SINCE I WAS SEVEN AND VERNON TRIED TO KILL ME FOR THE FIRST TIME! I SLAUGHTERED A MAN WITH MY BARE HANDS WHEN I WAS ELEVEN!”

His chest heaved as he tried to reign in his magic. “I’ve fought _monsters_ and maniacs, and faced the idea of my own death more times than I can _count_. Sliced open and tortured and beaten. I’ve seen _friends_ DIE… And thanks to dementors I remember every fucking detail of my only family’s murder.”

At this point he was on the verge of begging, his rage turning a cold sadness as he let the sets of hands now clutching his shoulders pull him back into his chair before shrugging them off.

“What more could I _possibly_ have to go through for you to see me as I am? What does it take to be worth the knowledge that might save my life? That might save my friends lives?”

Harry gestured to the other kids in the room, their jaws set even as tears were in their eyes.

Mrs. Weasley pulled a shaking hand from her mouth. “But Harry dear, don’t you want to stay a child? Go to class and have friends and be free of that _burden_?”

Harry gave a hollow laugh, eyes dull and free of the fire they had held just a moment before, voice quiet in the silent room.

“What I want doesn't matter. Voldemort (the room flinched) attacked before I was two and almost every year since I’ve been at Hogwarts. He doesn't care about killing someone underage, and he's told me _himself_ he wont stop until I’m dead.”

Mrs. Weasley clutched at her husbands arm tightly, sobbing silently at his words.

Harry shook his head and decided to address the room, face reflecting the numbness he was left with after his outburst.

“I know that Dumbledore has told you what he thinks I should know, but Dumbledore is a _man_. A brilliant wizard _yes_ , but _just_ a man, and his choices have left me alone, in the dark, and defenseless against an enemy whose name you won't even _say_.” He sighed trying to calm himself. “I can't make you tell me anything, I _know_ that, but you all need to realize that by cutting me off like this, you're making me and the people around me (he tipped his head towards his friends) fight on our own and without any help.”

The room was filled only with the crackle of the fireplace, shuffling robes and the sounds of Mrs. Weasley’s tears for a full minute before Sirius and Lupin gently guided Harry out of his chair and the room altogether.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry breaks down after his adrenaline crashes from the two fights in a row and gets some comfort.  
> Harry, Sirius and Remus have a talk about their future plans.

Harry’s mind was numb as he silently followed the the two older men up several flights of stairs, only noticing the shaking in his hands when they sat him on a bed in an unfamiliar room.

He blinked over at Lupin who was waving his wand at the door, before his eyes wandered over to Sirius who was sat on the bed next to him worry and sadness covering his face.

“Sirius?” Harry asked dazed, flexing his trembling fingers unconsciously, vaguely recognizing the feeling of an adrenaline crash.

Sirius shook his eyes from Harry’s hands, cautiously putting an arm over his shoulders.

“I’ve got you Harry” He shared a look with Remus who stepped beside them. “We’ve got you Haz"

“Why won’t-“ Harry’s eyes were dry and wide, even as his breathing sped. “Why won’t they help? Why wont anyone help? Why do I have to beg?”

Sirius clutched Harry to his chest hard then, Lupin’s hands rubbing circles on his back.

“You’re safe Harry, you're safe.”

That was all Harry needed before his eyes slammed shut and he was curling into the hug breaking down like he had last spring after the tournament, throat burning with his sobs.

“Don’t they understand? I don't want to _know_. I don't want to be _scared_ or to fight him or to talk about this shit but _I can’t let anyone else die because of me_ , I can’t do it, I-“

He clutched at Sirius’ robes so hard he worried they might tear, and Remus silently joined the embrace, pressing into Harry’s back and clutching them both.

“I’m just so bloody _tired_ of it all.”

The three took a few moments to calm down, staying joined but all taking a moment to wipe their faces dry.

“Harry look at me.” Sirius held Harry’s face in his hands.

“First of all, I don’t know all of what you've been through, I know that. But I know _you_ , and you are a _damn good person_. None of those deaths are on your hands. _None_. Not even Quirell’s.”

Harry tried to look away, but Sirius held his eyes until he finally gave a faint nod.

“Secondly” Lupin spoke up. “We’re going to help you. We- We’re going to need some time to figure things out, but the two of us.. the only side we’re on in this is yours.”

Harry nodded fiercely, finally calming down some, overwhelmed by a feeling of protection he had never felt before.

Lupin spoke up.

“I’m sorry that I haven’t been there Harry. I thought… Well I thought that I was protecting you by keeping my distance. That my being a werewolf was just going to add to the danger you were in, but this.. You're right that we can’t keep deciding on things for you, we can’t choose your life, we can only do our best to help. I hope someday I’ll be able to make it up to you.”

Sirius took over before he could reply but Harry squeezed Remus’ hand hard in response.

“We’ll need to talk about some of the things you said more later, we really need to know the full story and get on the same page, and you need to get caught up on whats been happening of course. For now though you need to rest. I have a feeling it’s been a long time since you’ve really gotten the chance to.” Sirius’ face was lined with sadness, but for once no pity, and Harry felt something else release in him, a tension that he hadn't known he was holding.

He realized in that moment that as much as Hogwarts felt like his home, and as much as he loved his friends, he had never truly had the feeling of family or of a home that was more than just a place, but rather a feeling. It ached a bit to know this was something he had been missing for so long, but more than that it felt like he could finally rest, like he could finally have some peace, protected on both sides by these two men who _understood_.

“Thank you.” He said quietly, wiping his nose on his sleeve and relaxing the tension from his muscles. “Thank you.”

Sirius touched his forehead to Harry’s, before clearing his throat, shifting back and looking around the room a bit.

“Well then. This is my room. Or at least it was growing up here. You should rest, I’ll get you some pajamas, but the three of us should hole up in here tonight. We’ll stay with you tonight.”

Harry nodded, just the thought of sleep making him tired, especially with the new feeling of contentment he had. Looking around though he was surprised at what he saw, the walls covered in muggle posters of vaguely clothed girls and pictures from Hogwarts.

"Sorry about the grot posters but I bloody hated this room. My mum was horrified when I wasnt a slytherin, that I didnt care about the family name. Theres a crest underthere somewhere but I plastered over it as much as I could with all that she hated. Stuck it up with charms so she could never get it down."

Harry gave a small grin but his eyes were stuck on a picture in the center of the wall, his feet carrying him over to it. 

There they were, the Mauraders, together, young and smiling. He was enraptured by the sight of his fathers face looking so content with the two men behind him, even as a burned spot where Pettigrew had been spoiled some of the picture. 

"Here" Remus said, duplicating the photo quietly as Harry ran his finger over his fathers face.

"I never knew what they looked like you know. Before I was eleven I had never seen their faces. I have a photo album now from Hagrid, but.. everything I find changes the picture of them I have in my head."

Harry kept his head down but he could feel their heavy presence, sad yet comforting behind him.

"We'll tell you all you want to know." Sirius' voice was wet and quiet as the moment passed. 

With that the three changed into faded old pajamas that Remus quickly magicked clean, the men sharing yet another look as they noted the scars on Harry's skeletal body, even as Harry noted thir own marks. No one commented though as they huffed into the bed. 

“Sorry for crying on you. And you know, the screaming.” Harry said a bit contritely.

The older men each gave a laugh from either side of Harry.

“Well we clearly needed a good talking to” Lupin gave a conspirator grin, his arm under his head.

“Yes indeed, _mum_ ” Sirius said with dramaticly wide eyes and a straight face, sending the three into a laughing fit that followed them into sleep.


End file.
